Saturday, July 11, 2020

Living with Chronic Illness: A look inside my heart and mind.


I feel moved to speak out for myself and my friends dealing with chronic illnesses. My life has changed so much, I was wondering if I could find the words to describe just how? I thought if I share what it’s like for me, I could be some encouragement not only to those of you who deal with daily chronic illness, but hopefully it will help you better understand and support someone in your life, someone you love, who is chronically ill.

First of all, I never imagined my life would become this. Who does? But it is not just me who has been blindsided by this. My husband, my kids, my parents, my friends--they never imagined it either. It's a big deal for everyone who loves me, not just me.

But let's start with the little things. 
The little things have changed, mainly because my activity level has completely changed. Like, showers are WAY down the priority list, replaced by things like dry shampoo and sponge baths. I literally cannot spare the energy many days to take a full shower and wash and dry my hair.
Getting dressed feels like climbing a mountain. My whole wardrobe has changed. I wear actual shoes maybe once per year. Cleaning out the refrigerator almost never ranks anymore! Gardening of any kind is out! Beach walks are out. So is swimming or any type of exercise--even Yoga! I used to LOVE exercising!
You may be thinking, why not have your kids or husband clean out your refrigerator? My husband and kids are incredible. They handle everything that I can't or don't handle. And they handle anything I ask them or need them to do. But some things, I've learned it doesn't help when they try to help. 

For example, I have five children still at home, so we have lots of laundry. I have spent many hours teaching my kids to do the laundry, but I've learned it still stresses me more to have them do it. I love doing laundry and I feel good when I do it. I love sorting the loads and folding the clothes. I love it that I haven't had a single stray sock in years (I am truly a laundry GEEK). I get stressed when they do it. They don't sort the same--close, but not the same. They don't care if all the socks came through, and they fold differently than me. Stress doesn't help my health. Therefore, I do better overall when I do the laundry. Now, if I need to, I can let it go and let them do it all. Or sometimes, I have them carry it, switch the loads from washer to dryer, or fold a load when I'm particularly tired. I've even sat on a stool and just played "overseer" as they sort.  But I keep the laundry and I keep more peace. 

If you're chronically ill, what's your "laundry?"  For my grandma, it was dishes. Anyone else doing dishes for her, I'm pretty sure it took a year off her life each time! I used to think I was being so helpful and loving when I demanded that she SIT DOWN and let me wash the dishes.  I dismissed her protests as just trying to be nice. I get it now. I have yelled apologies up to her in heaven many times.

So, if you see me doing laundry, or cooking, doing the grocery shopping with my little scooter, or cleaning my kitchen, or having a child help me clean out the refrigerator--don't yell at me for not taking care of myself. I can't begin to count how many times well-meaning friends and family have watched me do a chore and yell, "Make your kids do that! You need to take care of yourself!" I need you to please understand, when I choose to do a chore, it's choosing to take care of myself. To enjoy the things I enjoy, to be active, to be present, to preserve the peace in my home and in my  mind. Doing a few things I most enjoy makes me still feel somewhat like a valuable human. I do know how to delegate, and I do when I need to. But I"m not going to waste away in a recliner or in my bed if I can move. And most days--not all--I can at least move a little.

I hate saying "no." But I have had to learn to say no. I have to, I have to, I have to. And I can't worry if you don't understand. It's about surviving and getting done the things that NEED done. Not to mention that for me personally, I'm hooked to an IV 16 or more hours a day, and I also require around two hours of additional therapy each day. I choose my activities SO CAREFULLY and I can't worry what you think about why I do one thing and not another. Just have to let it go. Say no, let it go.

On that same note, I used to think I didn’t care what strangers thought of me. Now I can't care! We can’t explain our illness to everyone we come across. I’m not going to carry a big sign. Someone wrongly judging what they see when they observe me is 100% not my problem. I remember sitting in church one Sunday—and I always sit. I never waste energy just standing for no reason. And two older ladies were standing right behind me talking about all their aches and pains and pesky doctor visits and medications. One of them put a hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t mind us dear. You don’t yet know what it’s like to be old and have your body start breaking down on you.”  I said, "Actually, I do."  They laughed—hahaha!! I laughed. And I let it go. But don’t get me wrong. I have flashed my port a time or two. It is hard always feel completely misjudged by people you don’t know, or don’t know well.

People care for me and want to help me, but often that means selling me their side hustle health shake or supplement, with the best intentions for the most part. I have to graciously decline and deflect all the unsolicited advice and suggestions that imply I’m only sick because I’ve never eaten properly or exercised right a day in my life. Some people have actually boldly implied I'm sick because I eat nothing but sugar, soda, and processed foods. Well-meaning folks assume I haven't considered ________ (you fill in the blank): smoothies, raw foods, a plant-based diet, cutting gluten or dairy, omega 3s, vitamin D, CBD, acupuncture, goldenseal, collagen, kombucha, fermented foods. Have you tried? Have you tried?! This worked for me? This worked for my friend!

It is hard to let go of the frustration I’m confronted with repeatedly of people seeming to assume I’ve never tried the right diet or supplement, consulted the right doctors, researched my symptoms, my disease, and my medications, tried everything, read anything, communicated with others who have exactly what I have. I do all those things! All the time. I manage my health decisions every minute of every day. Do people think I'm just sitting here wasting away in pitiful despair, never attempting to see a doctor or take care of myself?

Also, I really hate the question, "How are you feeling?" That question nearly implodes my brain.  I am never, ever, not for a minute, feeling well. I am not able to give you any answer that explains or does justice to to the truth--and if I could, I would not have the energy to do so. So I try to be truthful, yet simple. "How are you feeling?" I will almost always answer, "Okay for me." Sometimes I need to say "I'm struggling today," or, sometimes "I'm not well right now." You can ask me. I've learned how to answer. But also know you don't have to ask me. I will tell you if I need to--if it's relevant for the moment!

On second thought, don't ask me. I will tell you if I need to.

But let’s get a little more serious. My biggest battle is not the physical illness, it's the mental one. I feel 100% unlovable. Every minute of every day I have a battle in my mind over feeling worthless, broken, useless, ugly, deformed, disgusting, and completely unlovable. But despite all that, I still have to--WANT TO love those around me. I do love those around me. That's what keeps me going, the amazing people God has put in my life to LOVE. And seriously, y'all are amazing. But truly one of the hardest things for me is to have faith that anyone finds me lovable or worth anything at all. It's hard. I just can't put it any more plainly than that. I can't get over it. I deal with those thoughts every day.

The changes in my mental health have been huge: These days, I have chronic PTSD and anxiety attacks that are triggered by my body's physical memories of near-death trauma. I have developed a clinical depression that I need to treat. That is all new territory and I'm learning to accept it and manage it.

Chronic illness is hard on a marriage. I have to have faith in my husband that he loves me. And I do have faith in him--that's why I married him in the first place and what the vows are for. And he is nothing short of incredible (if you've met him you know!), but the emotional scars are complex and run deep. My personal mental battle makes for big complications. In addition, my attention to him has to take a back seat much of the time. In my home, I have five children who really do depend on me for everything. The housework needs done. Unfortunately, that means I need for the adult in my house to take care of himself. It requires complete determination on my part to give what I can give: care for his children well, care for his home well, and make sure I am present as much as possible for conversation and to be a listening ear. It is painful that our relationship can't be more. It is an immensely difficult trial for us both, and it affects us both deeply in completely different ways. We are not dealing with one deep wound for our relationship, but two--a different one for each of us. I consciously choose to cling to faith in my husband, and faith in Jesus to get us through this one more day. Hopefully as each day passes we will each get a little better at navigating these waters and begin to sail more smoothly.

Faith is everything to me. Facing death so many times--I just HAD TO KNOW. So I made desperate prayers to God for "complete faith." Dying is a reality for me every day. I HAD to know what comes beyond this life. And now for me, in a direct, personal answer to prayer, I do have unwavering faith in God and His perfection, love, mercy, and goodness. There are hard moments. No matter what, it is hard to understand why there is suffering if God is good. But it is understandable, if you just ask. And, as one who has teetered on the brink between this world and the next several times, I can tell you that in my moments of confusion or sadness or doubt, I know that I would rather die having faith in God even if it was to discover I was wrong and nothing comes next. Because that would be better than to have no faith and discover something actually DOES come next. I choose faith even in the moments when I do not understand. That is what makes it "faith."  But my God has let me know He is there. I feel His grace and strength in every breath and every heartbeat.

Let's talk about kids. My kids--being their mom is all-important. I have to fight discouragement because I can't be the mom I want to be. I feel tremendous discouragement  not being able to do all the things, all the lessons, all the field trips, walks, trips to the park, art projects, cooking, board games, and good conversations. I have to remember today is today and I am still here. Today, my kids have their mom here. Yes, my kids have to be more independent than other kids. Yes, they probably have more responsibilities than other kids. Yes, they participate in activities less than other kids. But I am their mom and I am here and nothing can replace the love I can offer them each day even if it is only a little.

I cry a lot. I experience a lot of pain just feeling worthless and broken. There are many moments things just feel too hard. I feel so sick and so exhausted, I don't know how I can take it another minute. So I cry. I have so much grief for things lost: feeling well or normal (I don’t remember what that’s like), trips--either short day trips or bigger vacations, being able to go out to eat or drink, lost or changed relationships, all the foods I can't eat, the loss of free time, loss of being able to just get up and GO somewhere on a moment's notice, the loss of my "normal" body to a disfigured one with tubes protruding. I will probably never be able to "work" again. Or even volunteer. It is all loss.

I have peace I can't explain to you, but you may notice it in me. Day by day I am given the grace I need to find joy, to keep going, to keep faith, to love, to try, to breathe.With great trial comes great fortitude. We can find it in ourselves to meet the hard moments, and we do.

Thank you to all who keep me in your thoughts and prayers, who help, and encourage, and empathize. Thank you to those of you who I know I can call when I need help. How could I possibly say I am not thoroughly blessed beyond measure?

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Under Pressure

Two nights ago, the pain started again.

My life is defined by managing very serious health issues, and a few weeks ago I underwent a two-week period of such intense pain that I had moments where I was just ready to die to end the misery. But two different trips to the hospital enabled doctors to locate the problems and patch them up, and life resumed to "normal," which for me is 1) a paralyzed small intestine, thereby I live on IV nutrition and fluids through a port, and have a GJ tube to drain fluids and air that get trapped in there. 2) I have a primary immune deficiency (CVID) that requires monthly infusions of IVIG and causes chronic fatigue as my organs and systems struggle to function without the help of a immune system. 3) I have chronic rheumatoid arthritis that loves to keep me on my toes as to where and when it is going to flare and how badly.

I manage. I kinda even "cruise" a bit. After 10 years of this, I've learned to gage my energy and dole it out to get through my stay-at-home homeschooling mother days. But it is a constant burden and stressor that never lets up.

Those two weeks of pain I had just after Christmas were frightening. I grew weak and feverish. I lost 25 pounds. I thought maybe I could finally be dying. The pain was too bad to think or sleep or move. Fortunately, the doctors found the sources of the pain and were able to treat it.

But two nights ago, it returned.

NO! I told God. NO, NO, NO! I will NOT do this again. NO! You have to take this away now! I can't. I can NOT. NO! Do you hear me? NO!!!

I was in the bathroom where I had been attempting some of the 2-3 hours of physical therapy exercises I do each day to help my body function better, and letting my GJ tube vent.

I put a thick towel on the bathroom floor and through excruciating pain, lowered myself onto it and curled up into a fetal position.

No. Help. Oh  God. I can't. Why? This is too hard. Grandma Olga, pray for me. St. Bonaventure, pray for me. Mother Mary, pray for me. What is happening? Just no.

I laid there helpless. Broken. I couldn't formulate another thought or word. And then, a vision opened in my mind.

The Potter's wheel. I saw a piece of clay being formed by two strong hands, and it was very clear to me that the process involved a constant steady pressure. I understood that constant, steady pressure had been on me my whole life. Constant, perfect. Shaping, stretching, refining, perfecting. Our loving Father, from the day we are born, keeps a constant steady pressure on our lives to mold us, make us, shape us into what He has planned for us to be according to His perfect plan. If we are not walking in faith at any point in our lives, then we are confused and overwhelmed by this pressure. We can be overcome with anger, bitterness, grief, depression. Without faith, we don't see this pressure--our trials--for what it is. It is the process of creating, refining and perfecting. But if we know God, we can fully trust the pressures--the trials--that come our way. We can know by faith they are PERFECTLY applied for our own unique soul, and even though hard, we can manage to trust Jesus through it all. That is the sufficiency of His grace. The love of a Father bestowed on His children.

I watched the wheel spinning with the strong hands applying even, constant, delicate pressure. Then I saw one of those hands lift up and two fingers dug in deep in one particular spot. A beautiful shape instantly emerged on the outline of the vessel, but... OW!!!! That was the pain I knew I was feeling tonight. The Potter's fingers digging in one particular spot. Why? To take a beautiful vessel and turn it into something spectacular and unique. 

Okay. I see it. I get it. I waited in silence. Why?

The Potter's wheel vanished and my mind recalled a prayer I sent up last week. No. It wasn't a prayer. It was a full-blown tantrum, and it went something like this:

My Jesus, I want to SEE! I want some SPIRITUAL SIGHT! It's not fair! I know you say that those who believe without seeing are more blessed, but I don't care! All the great saints are called blessed and they had amazing visions and spiritual sight! Paul had it. John had it. Peter had it when you let him see Elijah and Moses at the Transfiguration. People all over the world get to see Mary, or the Holy Family, or Jesus. They get visions of your Heavenly realm and divine revelations of your perfect will. I WANT TO SEE. Something. Anything. Please? It's not FAIR! I do believe without seeing, but I still want to see SOMETHING.

How is that for an obnoxious prayer? That prayer came to mind in that moment after my vision of the Potter's wheel vanished. I saw myself in the car driving to my doctor's appointment, yelling that tantrum up to God.

And then I saw it all come together. The constant loving pressure my Potter has placed on me PERFECTLY since the moment I was born. More pressure here for a minute, then more over here. I noticed the pain that had sent me to the fetal position had vanished. The pressure point was gone. The purpose of it had been to answer my prayer for spiritual sight. That pressure point of pain in that particular moment--arriving not long after a hard battle with the same pain--it humbled me enough--broke me enough--for one moment so that God was able to let me see something I could have never seen clearly with my mind full of my own thoughts.

He is the Potter. I am the Clay.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Crossroads



  Our pastor gave a powerful message on Easter Sunday that has helped me tremendously. He described the moment Jesus was at a difficult crossroads in His life--the night He asked God THREE TIMES to take away the bitter cup He was about to drink. But Jesus knew what was right, and when the soldiers came to get Him, it says He STEPPED FORWARD to meet them. He chose.


We often think of crossroads in our life as being huge, life changing moments. They are on occasion, but usually they are not. There are many little crossroads in each of our lives every day--that moment where we decide to choose between our way or God's way. Eve, the very first woman, had that moment--and it is the same moment all of us encounter every day, often several times per day. Especially in our areas of weakness. We choose to step towards or away from, often multiple times per day, angry words or actions, impatience, selfishness, wrong foods, drugs, alcohol, laziness, wrong books or TV, wrong ways to spend our time (too much TV or social media), wrong thoughts (complaining or critical), dishonesty, and more. Satan loves to work by blinding us to the crossroads sign. He keeps us from noticing the decision point.
 
My weakness is GLUTTONY. I have never known how to eat responsibly, or enjoy food properly without over-indulging my flesh in response to cravings, stress, or other emotions. Food has always been for me a drug and an obsession. Outside of God, it is often what my mind dwells on most--what to eat and when.

I have prayed for years and years and years for God to help me grow in this area. I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds (including 60 to 80 pounds of baby weight seven times). Being overweight is distracting and depressing and makes me angry and tense. Dieting or fasting is all-consuming to me mentally. I have always envied people whose lives don't seem to be ruled by thoughts of food.

So, how does God answer my years and years of prayers? By graciously bestowing Purgatory, His purging fire, on this area of my life NOW, instead of waiting to pass through His refining fire after death. It is hard, but I'm grateful. For eight years now, I have been physically unable to eat normally, with a GI system that has continued to lose functionality on a steady decline. I have been hospitalized at least ten times for this, needing IV and/or tube feedings. To stay out of the hospital and to stay functional at home as a wife, mother, and homemaker and homeschooling mama, I have no choice but to learn to control my diet SEVERELY, or as a result I can't move or function, and I end up in the hospital.

I have to avoid sugar, all grains (even oats, corn, rice), all processed foods. I have to largely avoid dairy and solid foods in general. I can function quite well if (big **IF**) I stick to bone broth, 100% juices, bites of fresh or dried fruit, a bite of cheese or other pure proteins like fish or eggs or chicken, and bites--just bites--of other fresh or steamed veggies, and nuts or natural nut butters. Plus a slew of daily supplements.

With 5 kids in the house, I often fall to the temptation, like Eve, to "take just one bite." Or "just one cookie." Just a few chips. Just one piece of pizza. Satan likes to tell me it doesn't count or doesn't matter. But it does. It makes me so much more physically sick and miserable so that I'm either snappy and irritable as I try to function while feeling sick, or simply makes me so sick I have to lie down and wait out the effects of my lack of self control and pray I can get through it without needing to go to the hospital.

Over the years, I have gotten better. I am more detached from food, but it is still a weakness and every day is a long, uphill battle of the mind and body and spirit for me.

But right now--especially the past few days--I think of Jesus, at His deciding point--at his crossroads. I think of Eve as she faced hers. One small step takes you in the right direction or the wrong one. Satan will try to makes us not even realize the crossroads. He first tries to blind us to the decision point. When that doesn't work, he floods our minds with thousands of excuses to take one tiny step the wrong direction--making us think it's no big deal. That it can't possibly be of any harm.

It is.

I can see the Lord's work in my life, and how He is answering the prayers of my heart in this illness he has allowed for me. I'm so grateful. How many are blessed to have such refining fire in our present lives here on Earth?

Since Easter Sunday, with countless pounds of candies and sweets in the house (5 kids x Easter), I have been able to visualize that crossroads I face every time I am tempted to eat the wrong thing. I visualize Jesus stepping towards those soldiers. I visualize Eve stepping towards that forbidden fruit. And I have stepped away from my flesh and TOWARDS God's will in my life.

What do you need to get better at stepping away from? Think of our sweet Jesus, as every cell in His body longed to step away from what He knew He must do, but He stepped towards it. Think of Eve, how one step towards that tree instead of one step away--it changed everything.

Think of the Cross. The cross Jesus stepped towards. It represents the crossroads we face every day--Choose Jesus. Choose God's will. Choose God's best. One step at a time.
 
 

Friday, August 3, 2018

Curriculum Lineup 2018-2019

Posting here for when I'm asked--I'll have a link to share!

Going into homeschool year #16 (but who's counting), here is MOSTLY what we're doing!

Aram (13)Video Text Algebra 1
Easy Grammar Plus
Spectrum Word Study and Phonics 6
A Beka Spelling & Poetry 6
Khan Academy coding (adding Java classes when we find them)
www.typing.com and www.nitrotype.com
Duolingo.com Spanish along with: Easy Spanish Step-by-Step
Daily Art Challenge (planned by me)
Daily reading journal and 1-hour audiobook time.
World Kids Magazine (1 page per day)
Positive Action Bible: Route 66 (Mondays) and Wise Up  (Wednesdays)
Picture Smart Bible (Tuesdays)
Flagler Preparatory Academy for science, geography, and history (see below)

Elon (10) and Oli (9)
Making Math Meaningful Level 3 (then 4)
Easy Grammar 4 and 3 (respectively)
Spectrum Word Study and Phonics 4
Lighthome Publications A to Z Mystery Flags Geography Penmanship
Daily Art Challenge
Duolingo.com Spanish

World Kids Magazine (1 page per day)
Positive Action Bible: Route 66 (Mondays) and Wise Up  (Wednesdays)
Picture Smart Bible (Tuesdays)Piano lessons-Oli, Gymnastics-Elon
Daily math facts practice
Daily reading journal and 1-hour audiobook time
Flagler Preparatory Academy for science, geography, and history (see below)

Mikko (6)
Making Math Meaningful 2
A Beka Letters and Sounds 1 and Language 1
Spectrum Phonics 2
Lighthome Publications ABC Kind Kids Care penmanship
Positive Action Bible Grade 1
God's Design for Life for Beginners science (Masterbooks)
A Beka K5 Social Studies
A Beka Community Helpers
Daily Art Challenge
Daily reading journal and audiobook time

Millie (4)
Making Math Meaningful K (finish) then 1
A Beka Letters and Sounds K5
Spectrum Phonics 1
A Handbook for Reading (A Beka)
A Beka Writing with Phonics K5 penmanship\
Positive Action Bible Grade 1
God's Design for Life for Beginners science (Masterbooks)
A Beka K5 Social Studies
A Beka Community Helpers
Daily Art Challenge

Flagler Preparatory Academy is a co-op class I offered to teach this year. We will meet once per week and study science, geography, and history.

Science: We will be learning The Elements Song and working on memorizing the periodic table. We will memorize the planets and constellations. Then we will work on memorizing basic human anatomy.

Geography: We will be building big 3-inch binders with seven tabbed dividers--one for each continent. We will be filling using worksheets from various geography workbooks (Geomatters Continent and State Activity workbooks, World Geography by TCM, and the three "Trip Around the World" workbooks.

History: Using the History Through the Ages timeline notebook, we  will be plotting the 500 most important people, events and inventions in world history to build a solid foundation and preparedness for success in high school history.

HERE'S TO ANOTHER GREAT HOMESCHOOLING YEAR! GOD BLESS!!!!





Thursday, October 12, 2017

Simple Menu Planning

This is just a quick rundown of the very successful meal-planning system I have used for years to feed my large family (7 kids ages infant to now grown).

1. I don't plan breakfasts or lunches. They are the same simple options. My great grandparents ate oatmeal every single morning. Every morning. I am not remotely sorry my kids can choose between cereal, eggs and toast, or oatmeal--and any kind of fruit we have. Once a month I may buy graham crackers and/or yogurt (they love graham crackers and milk). On Saturdays when Dad is home I sometimes do pancakes or waffles or breakfast burritos or coffee cake.

Lunches are either 1) leftovers from our dinners (if they don't want it, then they're not hungry), 2) PBJ or PBH with carrots and/or apples or whatever other fruit I have, or 3) bean and rice burritos with cheese and sour cream--I always keep refried beans, a batch of spanish rice, and tortillas on hand. If my kids don't want it, they are not hungry. My five year old won't touch a bean burrito one day, but on another he will eat 4. I'm not remotely concerned about lack of variety. My children have never known true hunger and they are over-fed privileged middle-class Americans. I am teaching them to simplify.

So, I essentially plan for dinners only. My grocery list keeps me stocked on cereal, milk, bread, eggs, oatmeal, fruit, PB, jelly, tortillas, beans, and rice. Then I write my weekly dinner menu, then write the rest of the grocery list from that.

Sundays: Leftovers
Mondays: Pasta night
Tuesday: Sandwich night
Wednesday Mexican night
Thursday: Soup night
Friday: Pizza night
Saturday: Wild card night (like fish or meatloaf or...)

I have a master list of meals in each category. They are meals I can make without a recipe or with a familiar one. They are ones I know my family will eat, within reason. Sometimes I see a fun recipe come up on Facebook--I may throw that on a weekly menu to try it. If we love it, I keep it on my master list.  Here is my list:




PASTA MEALS

  • Spaghetti with marinara (optional add in grated squash, zuchini, eggplant, carrots, chopped spinach, ground turkey or beef, italian sausage, or make meatballs
  • Fettucine Alfredo (options include with chicken, shrimp, smoked sausage, ham or bacon, tomatoes, spinach, broccoli, carrots, zuchini, squash--I change it up)
  • Tuna casserole
  • Beef Stroganoff
  • Lasagna
  • Macaroni and Cheese
  • Stir-fry with lo-mein noodles or other asian noodle dish
  • Ravioli or Tortellini with sauce
  • Baked pasta--like shells or ziti or rotini--add in veggies or meat and change up the sauce
**I usually heat up a loaf of italian bread and maybe throw together a spinach salad or a caesar salad kit.

SOUPS

  • Chili (vegetarian or with meat)
  • Beef Barley
  • Chicken & Rice or Chicken Noodle
  • Potato Broccoli Cheese
  • Baked Potato
  • Wedding Soup
  • Minestrone (add in meatballs or tortellini or italian sausage or...)
  • Navy Bean soup with ham
  • Split Pea soup
  • Clam Chowder or other seafood bisque
  • Tomato Soup

**I usually have biscuits, bread, rolls, or cornbread to go with soup.Grilled cheese goes with the tomato soup of course (my fam loves it when I throw sausage patties in the grilled cheese). Sometimes just cheese and crackers. Sometimes a $2 caesar salad kit.

SANDWICHES
  • Meatball Subs
  • Philly Cheesesteaks
  • Reuben Sandwiches
  • Bratwurst or Polish Sausage
  • Hot Dogs
  • Cheeseburgers/Patty Melts
  • Tuna/Tuna Melt
  • Fried fish
  • Fried or broiled chicken (add in pesto and provolone or BLT)
  • Sloppy Joes
  • Barbecued beef or chicken
  • Cold cuts
**I usually serve a bag of frozen french fries, onion rings, or some chips, or I make roast potatoes, and cook some kind of veggie like canned green beans, frozen peas or corn, and maybe serve some fruit.

MEXICAN
  • Burritos or Soft Tacos (if I can find green chiles, I make a batch to smother). Served with refried beans, spanish rice. Filling is usually ground turkey. 
  • Shrimp tacos
  • Fish Tacos
  • Chicken or Steak Fajitas
  • Enchiladas (or enchilada "lasagna")
  • Nachos
  • Mexican "pizzas" (tortillas layered and stacked with beans and fillings then baked and cut into wedges)
  • Tostadas
PIZZA NIGHTS
  • Homemade pizza
  • Stromboli
  • Calzones
  • Pizza made on french bread or ciabatta
  • Frozen or take-out pizza (rare, but a treat)
WILD CARD NIGHTS
  • Baked fish with lemon pepper, usually served with brown rice risotto and veggie, or baked or roasted potatoes
  • Baked salmon or salmon patties, again with rice and veggie
  • Fried fish
  • Beef Stew
  • Pot roast
  • Chicken Fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy
  • Meat loaf with baked or mashed potatoes
  • Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes 
  • Stir fry with beef, chicken, or shrimp and veggies,
  • Fried chicken or chicken tenders/nuggets, mashed potatoes and gravy
  • Chicken pot pie
  • BBQ chicken
  • Hot wings
  • Chicken noodles with Mashed potatoes (southeastern ohio fave)
  • Roast smoked sausage, potatoes and cabbage
  • Jambalaya or gumbo (chicken, shrimp, sausage or any combo)
  • Roast turkey
  • Baked herbed chicken and rice
  • Quiche (usually spinach and bacon and/or ham and broccoli)

There you have it! My master list for meal planning. Email or comment if you need recipes. My recipes are simple and not labor intensive for the most part!

Happy planning!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

On Removing the Pledge of Allegiance from our Schools...

Yesterday, a hoax article (that appeared to come from AP and ABC news) circled FB that announced "Obama Signs Executive Order to Ban Pledge of Allegiance in Schools." According to the fake article, Obama did this because it is not "freedom" to make all students claim loyalty to the Christian God.

Before I checked if it was a hoax, I pondered this action. What would it mean for America if a President did in fact make this decision?

I homeschool, so why would I even care, you may ask? I care because I believe in freedom.

If our govenment wants to make a change at some point, I would prefer they just adjust the wording and kept the patriotic spirit for American Citizens--but maybe there is too much history with this pledge to simply alter it. Could you say it without having to ponder the missing words?

But I would say I would have to agree with this action. Our CHRISTIAN founding fathers agreed that there needed to be a separation of church and state. Schools are "state." Children cannot be forced to recite anything that alludes their loyalty to a God they do not choose.

America is great because we are FREE to choose our religion. Forcing all children to say a pledge that includes the God of Christianity is not religious freedom, and I want my religious freedom the same as the next person. I also want my parental freedom, which means being able to educate my children without having to worry that someone will tell them what religion they must accept or adhere to. I don't want my child forced to speak words of loyalty to ANY God or religion.

I don't tell my own children what they have to believe (that would not be freedom). I tell them they have to make their own choice. They have to find their faith or beliefs for themselves. It is my job to present things, to teach them to THINK. To teach them to SEEK. To teach them to LEARN. To teach them to listen to their own hearts and find their own purpose.
That's not the same as giving my own children the freedom to make other types of choices, like stealing, or bullying, or murder, or drugs. They have that freedom, but as a mama, as long as they live under my roof... ... they will have no choice but to be decent human beings who are kind and generous, loving, accepting, non-judgmental, and wise. As an American, they will have no choice but to obey our laws or be punished. We have laws to protect our safety and our possessions--or we really would crumble (you could argue those are Christian laws... but we will just agree that we need governed on a basic sense of decency to survive at all). Even removing speed limits and traffic lights would be disastrous to our society! As humans, we have learned the important aspects of a successful society.

I just read the story of the Mayflower to my boys this morning. Why did the Pilgrims come here? Because they wanted religious freedom. That was the dream. I would hope it still is. America is only America because it is a melting pot for all people who want to be free. I am glad our founding fathers were moral, principled Christians. That got us off to a good constitutional start . But even they understood we all needed to be able to be FREE in what we choose to believe.

I am a Christian. My closest friends may tell you I am one of the fiercest Christians they know--especially after coming face to face with death a few times. I had to get the issue of God and faith sorted out. If you ask me, I will be very frank with you about what I believe (and, sorry, some of you have gotten an earful from me without asking--but only if I love you the most!). I believe God designed us with free will and the ability to make our own choices. Therefore, it is not "God-like" or "Christian" to force anyone to choose to believe in God. As a matter of fact, last I checked, Christians are called to live in peace with others, and be charitable, loving, kind and non-judgmental towards all.

If you feel "called" or inspired called to stand up and preach the Gospel, or speak out on anything--any other religion or issue at all, then by all means do it. You have that freedom, and we have the freedom to listen or not listen and choose whether or not to believe you. How could America be so great if we were not so filled with diversity, and color, and options? There is such depth and possibility! No matter what you believe, your beliefs are only enhanced by the contrast of the others around you! My faith is only strengthened by the contrast and contradictions of others around me. The more your beliefs are challenged, the more strongly you can form them.  You can compare! Think! Reason! Learn! Expand your mind! Know! We are so blessed to have such freedom in America!

As for the pledge being removed from schools, what do I think? No matter what happens, I would hope American schools will always teach children to be patriotic citizens, proud of our great country, and inspire each one to contribute according to his/her strengths. We as parents must teach our children to be patriotic, loyal and helpful to our country however they feel called to do so. 

And don't forget, the greater burden is on the parents, not the schools. Schools have the burden of teaching reading, math, and science. Parents are the ones responsible for raising decent, loving, generous human beings who contribute to society.

If this "Order" is ever signed for real, some Christians will be appalled that I don't oppose it. It is not my calling to get up on a soap box about making America a completely Christian country. Apparently, I am called to step up on a soap box about being thankful for freedom in America. I am thankful to be able to be Catholic (my choice), which is the very religion our founding fathers were escaping when they founded this country.

I pledge allegiance
to the flag
of the United States of America
One nation
Under God 
Indivisible
With Liberty and Justice for all.

Parting thoughts:

What part of "Liberty for all" do you not understand?

And whether we say "Under God" or not. If God really does exist, we are "under Him" no matter what. If God created us, He didn't need permission to create us. He wouldn't need permission to help us, or to destroy us (or the whole world for that matter--just ask Noah). It's my business if I want to believe in a God like that, and your business if you don't. 

I want to be a person who loves. Who is kind. Who is giving, empathetic, and understanding. I want to be someone who encourages love and unity to keep America strong, appreciating each person's unique spirit, strengths, and purpose. This is the type of person my God tells me to be.





Monday, August 22, 2016

A Different Kind of Detox

"Detox" is a big deal these days. Most people start off their new diets or health resolutions with a "detox."

Often, we are prompted to do this because we have been feeling bad. Our lack of self-control in life weighs on our conscience. We are having health problems: fatigued, achy, sleepless, sluggish, depressed. We feel guilty because we know we have been eating poorly. We know are losing muscle tone and can't run an 8-minute mile like we used to. The clothes in our closet that no longer fit hang there, taunting us, torturing us.

But our health is not always just about our bodies and what we eat. Our spiritual and mental health plays a big role in our quality of life.

I don't know about you, but the physical detox is hard for me. Actually--it's the closest to impossible thing I ever attempt. So. Hard.

We are not always ready to commit to the physical detox. It is hard to give up the very things that we have come to rely on to get us through our stressful days--the nap, the chocolate, the fancy coffee, the snack, the ice cream, the glass of wine.

There are other ways to detox. I'm starting a 40-day detox now. It's a Word Detox.

Our words are TOXIC. Not only the words we speak. Our thoughts are formed of words, too. (Other eloquent people have deemed this "Stinkin' Thinkin'.)

Starting today, I am eliminating speech and thoughts that are:

  • Angry
  • Whiny
  • Complaining
  • Judgmental
  • Selfish
  • Negative
  • Mean
  • Fearful
  • Discontent
Remember the Bible tells us that our words have the power of life and death. The power to bless and to curse. Not just our spoken words, but our thoughts, too.

If you are not quite up to committing to a physcial diet detox, or you have been trying to and failing, consider trying this spiritual detox instead.

I would dare to say the spiritual side of our lives is more powerful than the physical. Detoxifying spiritually will be life-giving to your soul. But it will also heal your body. Look. It says so:

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:24
It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person,
but it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles.
Matthew 15:11
From the fruit of the mouth, one's stomach is satisfied;
the yield of the lips brings satisfaction.
Proverbs 18:20
For all of us make many mistakes. Anyone who makes no mistakes in speaking is perfect, able to keep the whole body in check with a bridle.
James 3:2

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you,
O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.
 Psalm 19:14

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak,
they shall give account thereof on the day of judgment.
For by thy words, thou shalt be justified,
and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
Matthew 12:36-37

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth
but that which is good to the use of edifying, 
that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword:
but the tongue of the wise is health.
Proverbs 12:18
But now ye also put off all these;
anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
Colossians 3:8
Death and life are in the power of the tongue:
and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:21

Even so, the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things.
Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity:
So is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body,
and setteth on fire the course of nature;
and it is set on fire of hell.
James 3:5-6

Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth;
keep the door of my lips.
Psalm 141:3

He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life:
but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.
Proverbs 13:3

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life:
but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4 


These verses above are just a few of the many that make a connection between our words and thoughts to both our physical and spiritual health. This kind of detox will actually help you both physically AND spiritually. According to these verses and more, we can expect health to the body, mind and soul, self-control, and it even says that our stomachs will be satisfied! Yes. If we watch our words. 
So it says. Right there. In the Bible. I say we give it a try.

Who's with me?  Forty days. August 23 through October 2.

I will at least give an update to how it goes for me!

God bless you!